Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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