i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
