I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Randomize
