i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
