She is in my trunk
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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