Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
