ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
