I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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