Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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