you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just had sex on a roof
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
