If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
