Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
