Well apparently he's into motor boating.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
