we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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