we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize