So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
