The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
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