I need help removing her.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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