Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
