I must be too annoying 4 u.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
