hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
