My Higher Power is John Stamos
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
