My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Need sex. Gaining weight.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Randomize
