You smell like stripper and shame
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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