this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
