Your dad touched me again.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
