Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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