Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
she told me i tasted like america
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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