So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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