Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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