And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
