you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
