So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
