So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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