i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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