Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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