I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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