I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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