No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
