That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I supernannyed him into submission
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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