I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I need a beard to bite.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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