so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
