Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
