College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
this will be a night to untag.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
