May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
