): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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