420 ftw
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
