GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
