I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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