I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
