She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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