you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
