My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
