The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Randomize
