yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
