My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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