Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
