Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
