pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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