ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
