Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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