I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
