Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
