sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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