in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
