I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
