When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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