you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
