don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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