could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
