Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
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i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
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A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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