i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
