Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
