Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
