Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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